There was a remake of the original Alice in Wonderland story in 2010. It was the same storyline with some dialogue changes along the way.
In Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter looks at Alice at one point and says…
“You’re not the same as you were before.
You were much more… muchier.
You’ve lost your muchness.”
Alice asks…
“My muchness?”
And then…
Pointing toward her heart the Mad Hatter answers…
“In there.
Something’s missing.”
Ugh.
I know what it feels like to lose my muchness.
For much of my life, people told me I was too much.
Too passionate.
Too intense.
Too strong.
Too driven.
Too expressive.
Too ambitious.
Too willing to say what everyone else in the room was thinking.
Too much.
After hearing it enough times, I began to believe that my muchness was the problem.
See how that works.
We are shaped by what is around us… especially when little.
I learned to monitor the room before I allowed myself to fully enter it.
I kind of softened what I knew, minimized what I carried, and questioned whether I needed to become smaller so other people could feel bigger.
I even erased myself altogether at times so others would believe that I wasn’t trying to outshine them.
That one hurt me more than you could know, which is why when I sense that someone’s insecurities are trying to push me back or quiet my voice or dull my shine by competing with me… I push back a bit.
God has taught me just recently that when I notice it to surrender the battle part to Him.
But never lose my muchness.
Because here’s what happened…
I mistook shrinking for humility and assumed that making myself less visible was somehow more Christlike.
Thinking about it now makes me cringe.
God has certainly had to refine me.
Some of what I called passion was unhealed urgency.
Some of what I called discernment was self-protection.
Some of what I called strength was fear wearing armor.
He has confronted my pride, healed my wounds, softened my delivery, and taught me that being powerful is never permission to overpower another person.
So if you’re ever wondering why I’m vehemently against people that manipulate others for their own personal gain…jockey for position and attempt to make themselves look good at someone else’s expense… now you have context.
I had to submit that to God though.
I had to give up my right to justice when I noticed that happening.
All the justice I ever need was hung on a cross.
And through that refining, God has shown me something else.
My muchness was never the problem.
Sometimes what people called “too much” was simply more than their insecurity knew how to stand beside.
Op.
Yep.
I said that.
My light did not diminish theirs, but when someone does not yet believe in what God placed inside of them, the brightness of another person can feel like competition.
Instead of allowing my courage to awaken theirs, they needed me to dim my light so they would not have to confront where they were still afraid to shine.
And it’s so painful to remember this part of my process. And sometimes still uncomfortable when I see it happening again.
For too long, I accepted their discomfort as evidence that something was wrong with me.
I do not anymore.
Did I say that clearly.
Your insecurity and discomfort does not at all have anything to do with what I will and will not express.
God established something in my spirit before the world ever had an opportunity to form an opinion about it.
He placed passion, vision, courage, creativity, conviction, strength, tenderness, and holy desire within me.
Those things do not belong to me.
They belong to Him.
They are not mine to exaggerate for attention, but neither are they mine to bury for acceptance.
You hear that.
Stop exaggerating his gifts in you for attention and also stop burying them so others won’t be threatened.
The truth is this…
God is my Muchness.
Whatever light I carry came from Him. Whatever wisdom I have was formed through surrender.
Whatever strength is visible was built in places where He met me, healed me, corrected me, and taught me how to stand.
What you see whether you like it or not was forged in the fire.
Purified in the spirit.
And the result is humility.
The result is purely His glory.
That doesn’t mean I always display it well or steward it perfectly but what He put in me is beautiful and it is His grace and mercy that has allowed it to produce fruit.
I do not have to be afraid of letting that fruit shine because its purpose is not to prove that I am greater than anyone else.
Its purpose is to reveal the greatness of the One who placed it inside of me.
I can take up the space God has assigned to me without taking space away from someone else.
I can walk fully in what He has given me and still celebrate what He has placed in others.
I can be humble without disappearing, powerful without overpowering, and confident without competing.
I am not interested in becoming smaller so insecure people can remain comfortable.
I am interested in becoming so surrendered that nothing in me competes with the light of Christ.
Perhaps you have not lost your muchness. Perhaps you have only buried it beneath years of being told that who God made you to be was inconvenient. Uncomfortable.
Too much. Or maybe even not enough.
Let God heal it.
Let Him purify it.
Let Him teach you how to carry it with love, wisdom, and humility.
But do not be afraid to let it shine.
And don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are too much when God Himself is your muchness.
In the movie Alice goes on a journey not to become someone new.
She is on a journey to remember who she was created to be.
And not be ashamed to be her amazing self while always pointing to the one who is the Source of her muchness.
God Himself.