I recently watched a video of a young woman riding a horse she had worked with for years. There was no bit, no reins, and no saddle.
She guided him simply by speaking, pointing, and shifting her body…and he responded because trust had been built between them. He responded because he trusted her character.
It was such a powerful picture of the difference between influence and control. Influence is cultivated through relationship until someone can trust your guidance. Control depends on external tools of power to force a response that relationship alone cannot produce.
Borrowing authority from a title instead of earning influence through intentionally building trust, modeling healthy communication, demonstrating integrity, and holding yourself accountable is a weak person’s game.
Ok.
I got that out.
If you read much of what I post…I am extremely transparent… I am vulnerable but also confident in my strength and abilities.
So as I have been privileged enough to walk in the space of developing individuals in their personal spaces, leaders in both corporate, government and ministry life and it all applies.
Weakly developed or I should say underdeveloped character relies on borrowed authority not embodied influence to garner control over others instead of empower them to become better.
Which essentially is what all types of leadership should be.
Empowering.
Directing.
Shepherding.
Teaching.
Guiding.
Protecting.
And this applies everywhere…in family life, corporate life, ministry life, married life, friendships, leadership, and social media life.
A title may give you a position, but it does not make you trustworthy.
It may give you the power to make decisions, but it does not make you wise.
It may require someone to comply with you, but it cannot make them respect you.
It may give you a platform, but it does not give weight to your words.
If the title you profess is the sole basis for your authority over another person, then your power is hollow. Real influence cannot be demanded. It is built intentionally through the consistent embodiment of character.
The best leaders, guides, mentors, coaches, pastors, parents, spouses, and friends do not depend upon command to create influence. Their lives carry influence because their character has made them credible.
Your credibility with me will never come from what title you have been given. Even if it was earned by the world’s standards of merit.
God understood this.
He did not reveal Himself as One who merely demanded followers because He possessed the title and authority of God. He revealed His character. He demonstrated His faithfulness. He entered into relationship with humanity and showed Himself worthy of our trust, surrender, obedience, and praise.
I am not comparing human leaders to God. I am saying that Jesus gave us the clearest model of leadership we will ever have.
Jesus did not lead simply by announcing that He was the Messiah and demanding that everyone acknowledge His position. He embodied the nature of the Messiah. He served. He sacrificed. He spoke truth. He demonstrated compassion. He confronted hypocrisy. He remained accountable to the Father.
He used His power to heal, restore, protect, and set people free…not to compensate for insecurity or prove His importance.
His authority was not disconnected from His character.
It is difficult to watch emotionally undeveloped and deeply insecure people…both men and women…compete for titles because they believe a title will finally give them a voice, a choice, authority, significance, or power over others.
But a title cannot complete the internal work you have avoided.
Bypassing your mental, emotional, spiritual, relational, and intellectual development because someone has given you a position is irresponsible. Eventually, the distance between your title and your maturity will be exposed.
The best leaders I have allowed to influence me embody the characteristics of maturity and self-awareness… these are the things I strive for in my own life as well…
Integrity in all things.
Clarity in communication and intention.
Accountability when it is hard…especially when it is hard. 💣
Honesty in thought, word, and deed.
Transparency in motive and intention.
Respect that recognizes the dignity and equality of others.
Punctuality as an expression of self-respect and respect for other people.
A commitment to continued growth.
The humility to listen.
The courage to apologize.
The willingness to repent.
Pulling power over another person so that you can feel more powerful does not make you a strong leader.
So let’s just read that again.
Pulling power over another happens because you internally feel powerless.
It exposes you as a weak person hiding behind a position.
Strong people do not need to diminish others to establish their importance.
Mature leaders do not demand the honor their character has failed to inspire.
Secure people do not weaponize their title to silence questions, escape accountability, control outcomes, or protect their image.
That last part gets me.
Because when I have coached leaders that struggle with identity issues it shows up as image control and that usually leads to coveting titles and status…nit for the good of the whole… but for self protection and self interest.
When you understand the true dynamics of power, you understand that authentic power comes from the embodiment of your character…not the borrowed authority of your title.
Titles can be assigned.
Authority can be granted.
Compliance can be required.
But influence must be earned.
As I have been in the world of personal development for most of my adult life, I have fallen into the trap of borrowing authority.
I wanted to feel relevant, significant, and powerful in the world’s eyes.
I wanted to become someone important to prove my value.
And in the world’s economy, that value is measured by titles, platforms, letters after your name, status, recognition, and other superficial things.
But in God’s economy, there is no title greater than being His child, no platform more sacred than the life He has entrusted to you, and no influence more powerful than a character formed in the likeness of Christ.
I no longer want to borrow authority from anything external to prove that I matter. I want my life to carry the kind of influence that comes from integrity, humility, wisdom, repentance, obedience, and love.
I want whatever authority I am given to be stewarded…not used to establish my importance, but surrendered to serve others well.
Because in the end, God will not be impressed by the titles I collected, the rooms I entered, or the number of people who knew my name. He will look at what I became, how I loved, how I served, and whether the person carrying the title had the character to be trusted with it.
I’m not impressed by your title.
I’m impressed when you don’t need one to influence others.
A very dear and influential mentor said to me one time that your gift and abilities will get you in front of Kings and Noble man but your character must keep you there. That is a principal from the Bible that I have thought of many times in different spaces.
The strongest leaders I’ve ever seen have the strongest character ever displayed.